


FUCK a taz/homestuck fanfic

by AshleysMystery



Category: Homestuck, The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Kids Being Little Shits, M/M, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-17
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-03-20 12:34:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13717779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshleysMystery/pseuds/AshleysMystery
Summary: In which the main protagonist create a new world and are very bad at being discreet





	1. Karkat ==> get called out by Angus

**Author's Note:**

> A small au where homestuck get to go to taz after they beat the game
> 
> (I haven't finished homestuck yet, but that isn't stopping me)

Karkat ==> get called out by Angus

"Hello sir!"

Karkat sighed and looked at the 'flesh boy's walking towards him. "What the fuck do you want?"

Angus smiled and looked at him. "I just wanted to ask you something personal. If that's alright."

"Yeah, sure, why not." He had about an hour til he was supposed to head out and look for another artifact, not like he had anything better to do.

"What are you really?"

"A... troll? What else would I be?" 

"Well, teiflings, drows, and triton are more suited to what you are, yet you chose trolls. The big, tall, green, perpetual teenagers." Angus stares him down. "The reclusive specie that's suddenly in a group of over 20. The specie that has the ability to regenerate limbs has two members that use prosthetics. Plus your horns look like candy."

Karkat could feel himself start to sweat. "W-well!" Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! "How-how many trolls have you met?! Huh!? Not all trolls are them same!"

"That is a fair statement," Angus nods. "However, I have met several trolls and none of them had blood that wasn't red."

SHHHIIIITTTT!

"We pissed off a bitch witch!" At this rate, Karkat might have to ask Equius for a towel. "We pissed her off and she cursed us with awkward looks and blood! Quit being such an insensitive fuck."

"Riiight, and that's why there's no evidence of any of you existing until 3 months ago."

"You said it yourself, we're a reclusive group!"

"That might be true about trolls, but orcs and humans are a bit different. They are know to live in groups, and given how chaotic your group is, there definitely would have been any indication they existed years before, but there isn't. You all just appeared one day and tried to play it by ear and aren't doing it well enough. So, let me ask you again, what are you really?"

Karkat's jaw was wide open and he knew it. Well, the little shit knows his shit, might as well confide in one person on this moon who isn't a complete moron. He sighes and turns to walk away. "Gog, fine follow me, nooksniffer. Don't want to announce this bullshit here anyways."

"That's another question I have, what's a nooksniffer?" Angus asks following Karkat to his room.

"Essentially, a swear word relating to certain parts of the body."

Angus snorted. "Is bulgemuncher the same way?"

"Yep, any other words you want to laugh at me about?" He asked, opening the door to his room.

"What's a quadrant fucker?"

"That would be me." Dave said, hanging over the edge of his bed. "Hey, Kitkat. What's nerd 2000 here for?"

"He's here because he's too smart for his own good and I'm not going to tell him all the answers alone and in the middle of a crowded area."

"Seriously, KK? You let Angus figure us out?" Sollux snorted from the spot on the bottom bunk.

"You didn't stop him from doing his detective shit either you bulgemunching shit." Karkat climbed onto Dave's bunk. "Where's Brad?"

"We ran out of fantasy kitkats and applejuice," Dave said while sitting up, "so we got him to get some from fantasy Costco." He laughs. "I can't get over the fact that even in this universe they're putting words like fantasy in front of things, like they have to justify its existence in some way."

"Trolls did the same thing."

"I know, it's fucking hilarious."

That earned a pillow to the face from Karkat. "Shut the fuck up, jackass."

"Sirs, where are you from?" Angus asked, standing in front of the bunk.

"Want the long or short of it? Cause both versions are kinda fucked up when you think about all the fucking paradoxes." Dave stroked his chin. "Time paradoxes, family paradoxes, death paradoxes, game paradoxes, self paradoxes, basically any and every paradox known to man was tried in that game. God, it was such a shit show in there."

"I guess I want the long version of it, sirs."

"Then sit your ass down and listen up, cause I don't want to repeat myself." Karkat shifts in his seat, while Dave drapes himself over the troll. "It's going to be a long ass story, about idiotic humans and trolls."


	2. Brad ==> start chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wild Brad appears!

Brad ==> start chapter 2

He shuffled the bags into one arm, allowing him to open the door. "I'm back boys, I grabbed a few more items then I planned, but now we've got more-" He looks up to see Angus on his bunk, Dave and Karkat arguing on the top bunk, and Sollux snickering on his bunk. "Magical combs. Hello, Angus."

"Hello sir!" Angus smiles at him. "I was just learning the truth about them and their world."

Brad smiled. "So you boys decided to confide in Angus?"

"More like fantasy nerd here cracked the case no one wanted him to crack, but here he is, the smart boy with all the answers." Dave leaned over to see Brad. "So why'd you get combs?"

"Well, I noticed that with our regular combs, Karkat and Sollux have a difficult time combing around their horns. So, I asked around and a nice teifling told me about this comb brand that is able to get through tough hair and gentle around horns."

Karkat's eyes lit up.

"You did get apple juice, right?"

Brad smiled. "I did, also, Sollux, I think I found something you might like." 

Sollux looks over to see Brad hold what appeared to be a premade beehive. 

"The store got these on sale and I know that you have a thing for bees. There's more at the fantasy Costco, even different types if this is the wrong shape."

Sollux uses his psiionic to grab the hive while jumping out of bed. "It's perfect, bye." He runs out of the room at a surprisingly fast speed.

"What's his fucking deal?" Karkat muttered.

"Let bee boy do his bee thing." 

"You're in on it, aren't you?" 

Dave grins. "Nooooooo, what would give you that idea. On another topic, does anyone know where i can get like, a shit ton of plastic tubes."

"Dave no."

"Aww, come on. It's for New Can Town."

"Last I heard, Can Town was made out cans, not plastic."

"Dude, that's like saying everyone on BoB is named Bob." Karkat snorts before pushing a pillow into Dave's face.

Brad chuckles. "I think what you're looking for is at the fantasy Costco. We can go and look if you'd like."

Dave moves the pillow from his face. "Sweet. Hey, karkitty, wanna join us?"

Karkat shakes his head. "Can't. Gotta do my job." He starts getting down. "Love you assholes, but I need to go."

"Wait, Karkat." Dave leans over and kisses his forehead. "Have fun."

Karkat smiles and rolls his eyes. "See you later." And then Karkat was gone.

Angus smiled. "You really do love him."

Dave adverts his gaze towards the totally interesting wall, slightly red faced. "Well, when the drums of love come a'knockin' you gotta beat your chest to the beat like some sort of horny gorilla. You know?"

Brad chuckles. "You definitely have a way with words."

"I'm a motherfuckin slam poet, spewing verses like no other mollet had ever seen before my paradoxal dynasty. Your gonna wanna see how I slam the other rappers and they gotta take a knee." Dave started a beat to try and make it sound good.

Brad attempted to add some extra noises to help it while he put items away, and thanks to living with Dave, most of it stayed on beat. When he finally stopped with his dope flows, Brad handed him a glass of apple juice. 

Angus laughed. "That sounded like shit."

Dave mocks surprise by gasping and putting a hand to his chest. "Your words hurt dude. How could you kill me like this. You secret bard dude." He then takes a sip of juice, "Thanks dude."

"I like your raps, Dave."

Dave smiles a little.

"Still want to go to the store?" 

"Hell yeah." He says, jumping off the side of his bunk. 

Brad chuckles and grabs his money. "Want to come with Angus?"

"Oh, no thank you, sirs, but thank you for asking. I've got magic training with Taako later today."

Brad opens the door for the boys. "Well, I hope you enjoy your time with him and tell him 'hi' for me."

Angus nods and walks out. "I will, have a nice day, sirs!"

"Bye, boy wonder!" Dave waves and walks in the general direction of the store. Brad whistles, following after Dave.


End file.
